136
smells something bad.. | /describe # looks at $1... | /kick # $1
notices that $1 is idling.. | /describe # decides to get rid of him | /describe # picks up $1 and throw him out of # | /kick # $1
gags $1 and stuffs him in a Cow suit, then tosses him into a corral with a horny bull.  <<Mmmmmoooooo!>> | /kick # $1
kicks $1 in the chest...**Kaiaaaaa; | /kick # $1
smashes $1's head with a baseball bat *BOK* !! | /kick # $1
pulls down the switch to the electric chair | /kick # $1
dons his priestly garb. | /describe # dispatches $1's soul on its way to the pearly gates. | /kick # $1
grabs $1 by the hair and jams him face first into the toilet... | /describe # does the royal flush. | /kick # $1
throws $1 carelessly to the floor. | /describe # does the moonwalk up and down $1's ass. | /kick # $1
pulls out his portable chalkboard. | /describe # shows $1 the function of relativity for chaos mathematics. | /describe # watches as $1's brain shorts out with a puff of putrid smoke! | /kick # $1
casts Otto's Irresistible Dance on $1. | /describe # then casts Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter on $1. | /describe # watches as $1 laughs and dances off the channel. | /kick # $1
grabs $1's tongue and pulls it wayyyyy out. | /describe # takes out locking ring and loops it through $1's tongue. | /describe # then fastens the ring to a Lotus Esprit and drives off. | /kick # $1
becomes bored with $1, cranks some tunes. | /describe # takes a dancing flower and shoves it up $1's ass! | /describe # watches as $1 goes through several interesting convulsions. | /kick # $1
looks to his left...then to his right. | /describe # takes out a little black bag and points it at $1 | /describe # watches as $1 is attacked by a mob of pirhana clams!!! | /kick # $1
decides to use calculus on $1. | /describe # takes the second derivative of $1. | /describe # is astonished... he has just disproved $1's existence!!! | /kick # $1
reaches into one of his many pockets. | /describe # draws forth a wand with an emerald tip. | /describe # points the wand at $1 and utters arcane words of power... | /kick # $1
waves at $1 with complex motions and changes his appearance. | /describe # turns $1 into a really cool purple lamp shade with pink polka dots. | /msg # NOT | /kick # $1
dumps a can of gasoline on $1 | /describe # lights a match and tosses it. | /describe # laughs as $1 turns squirms and smokes to a blackened crisp. | /kick # $1
opens a cannister of liquid nitrogen. | /describe # dumps it all over $1 | /describe # laughs $1 become stiff, then shatter into thousands of gleaming shards. | /kick # $1
pulls out a bottle of hydrocloric acid. | /describe # splashes it in $1's face. | /describe # watches $1 as skin runs in rivulets from bone until only a pool remains. | /kick # $1
prays to the Gods of IRC for assistance. | /describe # watches for a sign... | /describe # laughs as $1 is seared by lightning and torn asunder. | /kick # $1
pulls out a finely engraved iron wrought long sword. | /describe # runs $1 through and waits until $1 stops gurgling. | /describe # then yanks the sword up through $1's spine, rib cage, and lungs. | /kick # $1
prays silently to the IRC Gods for assistance. | /describe # watches the skies for a sign... | /describe # laughs as the ground beneath $1 shakes and splits open engulfing $1. | /kick # $1
calls upon the Daemon Primarch Mortarion to answer his summons. | /msg # now $1 feel the wrath of the Prince of Plagues. | /describe # watches as $1 dissolves into a mass of blisters and bleeding scars. | /kick # $1
grabs $1 by the neck and props $1's mouth open. | /describe # stuffs large quantities of frozen ice cream bars down $1's throat. | /describe # sets $1 off to the side to admire his new full size PEZ distributor... | /kick # $1
grabs $1 by the neck and hooks $1's upper jaw over his thumb. | /describe # takes careful aim while stretching $1 wayyy out... | /describe # releases $1... *twang* | /kick # $1
grabs $1 by the right nostril and pulls it wayyy out... | /describe # looks around for a suitable imple | /describe #nt of devise for $1... | /describe # grabs a running chainsaw and stuffs it up $1's right nostril... | /kick # $1
becomes a magical conduit between the Prime and Negative Material Planes... | /describe # then touches $1, draining $1's life essence away... | /msg # What life? He's on irc all the damn time! | /kick # $1
pulls a small, deadly vial from his pocket. | /describe # breaks the vial over $1's head... | /describe # laughs as $1 suddenly turns into MiSTiK! | /kick # $1
pulls out a sharp battle axe and slices off $1's head.. | /describe # watches the head roll to the floor, covering $C with blood.. | /describe # slings the axe over his shoulder and laughs with murderous glee! | /kick # $1
'accidentally' bumps into $1 on the observation deck at the Empire State Building.... | /describe # laughs as he watches $1 go for the plunge.... | /kick # $1
searches for a small explosive... | /describe # finds a half stick of dynamite... | /describe # blows $1's ass out of the known world... | /describe # wishes $1 pleasant dreams and a happy tomorrow... | /kick # $1
puts $1 into an electric chair and throws the switch..... | /kick # $1
tosses $1 into a microwave oven and sets the dial on 'HIGH'.... | /kick # $1
picks up a cordless-drill with a paint-stripper... | /describe # decides that $1 could REALLY use an enema... | /kick # $1
ties a rope around the neck of $1 and places him over the trap-door... | /kick # $1
Weeeeeeep! Weeeeeeep! Weeeeeeeeep! | /msg # *** LAMER PROTECTION ENGAGED ***  | /describe # Lamer spotted!! Lowering targets on the lamer! | /notice $1 Tag, your it! | /kick # $1
loads a laser guided AARM-32b smartbomb into the F-16E. | /describe # watches as the sights level on $1. | /msg $C look out below! | /describe # watches as the bomb hits $1 and pounds him 20ft into the ground. | /kick # $1
pulls the scalp off of $1. | /describe # eats the scalp | /msg # Mmmmm! finger lickin' good!! | /kick # $1
approaches $1's swaying body. | /describe # takes hold of $1's neck. | /describe # removes $1's head and spine from it's body. | /msg # Rrrrrriiiiiiipppp!!! | /describe # turns $1's head to show $1 the lifeless body. | /kick  # $1
after executing a devastating flying kick, $1's body sways. | /describe # approaches $1 and glances at his target. | /kick  # $1 
looks into $1's eyes. | /describe # approaches $1 with lightning speed. | /describe # pauses to look one last time at $1 panic stricken face. | /msg # THOCK | /describe # punches $1 head from $1's neck with inhuman strength. | /kick  # $1
puts on his black hood. | /describe # escorts $1 to the guillotine. | /msg # Any final requests before the blade drops? | /msg # No ? Good! | /kick # $1
spits out a wad of chewing tobacco | /msg # *pbpbth* | /msg # Listen $1, we don't like yer kind around here... | /msg # so git on out er we'll throw yuh out! | /kick # $1
decides to get REALLY liquored up! | /describe # grabs a shotgun and takes pot shots at passing clouds. | /describe # is waaayyyy too drunk, though, and starts taking out other objects in his vicinity. | /kick # $1 Blam!  Blam!  Blam!  Whoops!  Oh well...Blam!
grabs $1 by his little dick. | /describe # pulls hard and swings $1 around the channel. | /describe # swings faster until $1 's dick snaps off. | /describe # watches as $1 flies off the channel. | /kick # $1 Forgot your mushroom cap!
and $1 are waiting at the bus stop. | /describe # watches as the bus approaches... | /describe # nudges $1 out into traffic before the bus can stop. | /kick # $1 You gonna eat this lunch?
hates violence. | /describe # hates violent people, too. | /describe # thinks that $1 is too violent. | /describe # grabs $1 by the neck and lifts $1 off the ground. | /describe # shoves his fist through $1 's midsection. | /describe # head-butts his surprised face before dropping $1 to the floor./ | /kick # $1 I'm a nice guy, really.
decides to build a fire. | /describe # takes the first dead wood he sees and throws $1 in the pit. | /describe # covers $1 with gasoline and strikes a match. | /describe # doesn't seem to hear $1 squealing like a pig for mercy as he drops the match. | /kick # $1 Poof! Hmm... Charbroil! My favorite!
looks bored. | /describe # decides to interest himself by mangling $1. | /describe # shoves his fist into $1 's chest and pulls out a handful of capillaries. | /describe # begins knitting a sweater. | /kick # $1 Knit One, Pearl Two....
takes out a bloodstained axe and acquires an evil grin | /msg # >:)=) | /describe # lifts the axe high above $1's head... | /kick # $1
suggests that $1 do his Kurt Cobain impression. | /describe # watches as $1 props a shotgun to his mouth and blows his brains out. | /describe # waits for three days before an electrician finds $1 and throws him out. | /kick # $1 That's not teen spirit you smell.....
wonders how well $1 would work as a conductor. | /describe # ties $1 to the base of a lightning rod. | /describe # is pleased as a storm starts brewing and lightning strikes the rod. | /describe # takes notes as $1 's nervous system becomes a superconductor. | /kick # $1 For the good of science, not you.
wonders where $1 really came from. | /describe # does a smathering of research, only to discover that the best part of $1 ran down some whore's leg. | /kick # $1 We can always try again later, honey.
thinks $1 whines too much. | /describe # thinks $1 does more whining than Gallo. | /describe # suggests $1 go visit California to be with the other cheap whines. | /kick # $1 I hate whine...
smells something terrible. | /describe # figures out that it's $1 who smells like a dead elephant on a hot summer's day. | /describe # decides to send $1 to the cleaners. | /kick # $1 Put it on my tab.
watches too much Mr. Wizard. | /describe # decides to try an experiment. | /msg # Now $1 you hold this putty, while I hook up these wires.... | /describe # feigns shock as $1 's ass is blown into next week. | /kick # $1 For my next experiment....
has always been fascinated by Don Herbert. | /describe # wants to try an experiment with $1. | /describe # wants to monitor the brain levels of a moron. | /describe # frowns at the results. | /kick # $1 What was I thinking?  Need a brain first.
tries to find where $1 beings and where $1 ends. | /describe # notices the circle that $1 's body makes from neck, to ass, to neck again. | /describe # has never seen a life-form on this low of the food chain. | /kick # $1 T'was a mercy killing.
looks over and sees $1 desperately trying to bend far enough to suck himself off. | /describe # wonders why no one else has kicked him for such pathetic behavior. | /describe # notices that no one else is paying attention to him. | /kick # $1 Try #jack-off!
waves an ancient druid sceptre over $1 | /describe # chants "KLATU! VERATTA! NIKTU!" | /describe # waits as nothing happens | /describe # msg #s "Fuck this" and busts the sceptre up $1's ass | /kick * $1 That's GOTTA hurt!
kicks $1 through a time warp.... | /msg # $1 lands at the Jim Jones incident.... | /msg # Jim Jones msg #s "Hey $1! How about some PurpleSaurus Rex Kool Aid?" | /msg # $1 chugs a pitcher and msg #s "damn, why is this stuff so good?" | /msg # Jim Jones msg #s, "Well $1, it's either the nutrasweet or the cynanide!" | /kick # $1 DOH!
shows $1 a broomstick and some KY..... | /msg # Suddenly some cheap 70's porno film music comes on [BOOMP-CHICKA-BOOMP-BOWWWWW!] | /msg # $1 decides he'd prefer not to take chances and runs like fuck.... | /kick # $1 And don't let the door hit ya on the way out!
jumps through a time warp that has somehow manifested in his garage... | /describe # notices a bird fly by... | /describe # steps on a worm that the bird _should_ have gotten... | /msg # The bird sees an old man sitting on a rock next to the tree where his nest is. | /msg # The bird pecks the old man to death. | /msg # It just turns out that the old man is one of $1's ancestors... | /msg # Upon this paradox of the space/time continium, $1 pops out of existence... | /kick # $1 POOF!
follows $1 to a party one night.... | /describe # waits until $1 goes inside and then breaks into his car.... | /describe # exchanges $1's MegaDeth CD with the new Enigma CD | /msg # Later that night, $1 decides to crank some tunes on his drive home... | /msg # $1 falls asleep at the wheel and plows into an Exxon Truck.... | /timer 1 5 /kick $1 BOOM!@!@!@!!
smells something bad.. | /describe # looks at $1... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 the smell is gone! 
notices that $1 is idling.. | /describe # decides to get rid of him | /describe # picks up $1 and throw him out of # | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Problem solved!
gags $1 and stuffs him in a Cow suit, then tosses him into a corral with a horny bull.  <<Mmmmmoooooo!>> | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1
intercepte la balle, drible et shoot! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 s'ecrit: Buuuuuuuuuuuuut !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kicks $1 in the chest...**Kaiaaaaa; | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 YES!@#
smashes $1's head with a baseball bat *BOK*#!! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 $me wipes the blood off the bat on $1's hair
pulls down the switch to the electric chair | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 $me makes an omelette with $1's brains.
dons his priestly garb. | /describe # dispatches $1's soul on its way to the pearly gates. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Dominus omis.
grabs $1 by the hair and jams him face first into the toilet... | /describe # does the royal flush. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 ba-WHOOOOOOOSH!
throws $1 carelessly to the floor. | /describe # does the moonwalk up and down $1's ass. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Beat-it!
pulls out his portable chalkboard. | /describe # shows $1 the function of relativity for chaos mathematics. | /describe # watches as $1's brain shorts out with a puff of putrid smoke! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Anyone got an airfreshener?!
waves his hands and turns into Michael Jordan for a instant. | /msg # $1 give me those Nike's! | /describe # leaves a court shoe print across $1's face. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 SLAM_DUNK!@#
casts Otto's Irresistible Dance on $1. | /describe # then casts Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter on $1. | /describe # watches as $1 laughs and dances off the channel. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Nice Moves!
grabs $1's tongue and pulls it wayyyyy out. | /describe # takes out locking ring and loops it through $1's tongue. | /describe # then fastens the ring to a Lotus Esprit and drives off. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Hunny did you hear something?
becomes bored with $1, cranks some tunes. | /describe # takes a dancing flower and shoves it up $1's ass! | /describe # watches as $1 goes through several interesting convulsions. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Nice Moves!
looks to his left...then to his right. | /describe # takes out a little black bag and points it at $1 | /describe # watches as $1 is attacked by a mob of pirhana clams!!! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Ouch-Thats GOTTA hurt!
notes $1 has been poisoned!!!!! | /msg # hmmmm odorless.... tasteless..... hmmmmmm | /msg # aha! Iocane powder !!! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Nasty!
decides to use calculus on $1. | /describe # takes the second derivative of $1. | /describe # is astonished... he has just disproved $1's existence!!! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
reaches into one of his many pockets. | /describe # draws forth a wand with an emerald tip. | /describe # points the wand at $1 and utters arcane words of power... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
waves at $1 with complex motions and changes his appearance. | /describe # turns $1 into a really cool purple lamp shade with pink polka dots. | /msg # NOT | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
dumps a can of gasoline on $1 | /describe # lights a match and tosses it. | /describe # laughs as $1 turns squirms and smokes to a blackened crisp. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
opens a cannister of liquid nitrogen. | /describe # dumps it all over $1 | /describe # laughs $1 become stiff, then shatter into thousands of gleaming shards. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
pulls out a bottle of hydrocloric acid. | /describe # splashes it in $1's face. | /describe # watches $1 as skin runs in rivulets from bone until only a pool remains. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
prays to the Gods of IRC for assistance. | /describe # watches for a sign... | /describe # laughs as $1 is seared by lightning and torn asunder. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
pulls out a finely engraved iron wrought long sword. | /describe # runs $1 through and waits until $1 stops gurgling. | /describe # then yanks the sword up through $1's spine, rib cage, and lungs. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
prays silently to the IRC Gods for assistance. | /describe # watches the skies for a sign... | /describe # laughs as the ground beneath $1 shakes and splits open engulfing $1. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
calls upon the Daemon Primarch Mortarion to answer his summons. | /msg # now $1 feel the wrath of the Prince of Plagues. | /describe # watches as $1 dissolves into a mass of blisters and bleeding scars. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
grabs $1 by the neck and props $1's mouth open. | /describe # stuffs large quantities of frozen ice cream bars down $1's throat. | /describe # sets $1 off to the side to admire his new full size PEZ distributor... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
grabs $1 by the neck and hooks $1's upper jaw over his thumb. | /describe # takes careful aim while stretching $1 wayyy out... | /describe # releases $1... *twang* | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
grabs $1 by the right nostril and pulls it wayyy out... | /describe # looks around for a suitable imple | /describe #nt of devise for $1... | /describe # grabs a running chainsaw and stuffs it up $1's right nostril... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
becomes a magical conduit between the Prime and Negative Material Planes... | /describe # then touches $1, draining $1's life essence away... | /msg # What life? He's on irc all the damn time! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
pulls a small, deadly vial from his pocket. | /describe # breaks the vial over $1's head... | /describe # laughs as $1 suddenly turns into MiSTiK! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Stay the FUCK OUT!!
pulls out a sharp battle axe and slices off $1's head.. | /describe # watches the head roll to the floor, covering $C with blood.. | /describe # slings the axe over his shoulder and laughs with murderous glee! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
'accidentally' bumps into $1 on the observation deck at the Empire State Building.... | /describe # laughs as he watches $1 go for the plunge.... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
searches for a small explosive... | /describe # finds a half stick of dynamite... | /describe # blows $1's ass out of the known world... | /describe # wishes $1 pleasant dreams and a happy tomorrow... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
puts $1 into an electric chair and throws the switch..... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
tosses $1 into a microwave oven and sets the dial on 'HIGH'.... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
picks up a cordless-drill with a paint-stripper... | /describe # decides that $1 could REALLY use an enema... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
ties a rope around the neck of $1 and places him over the trap-door... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
*** LAMER PROTECTION ENGAGED *** | /describe # Weeeeeeep! Weeeeeeep! Weeeeeeeeep! | /describe # Lamer spotted!! Lowering targets on the lamer! | /MSG $1 Tag, your it! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 LaMeR KiCK
loads a laser guided AARM-32b smartbomb into the F-16E. | /describe # watches as the sights level on $1. | /msg $1 look out below! | /describe # watches as the bomb hits $1 and pounds him 20ft into the ground. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
pulls the scalp off of $1. | /describe # eats the scalp | /msg # Mmmmm! finger lickin' good!! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 PhoEniX mIrC-kiCk!
raises his arms to the sky and feels energy flow into his veins. | /describe # points his finger at $1... | /describe # opens his hands and releases the energy at $1 | /msg # Zot!!! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 $me loves the smell of burnt flesh. HaHaHa
approaches $1's swaying body. | /describe # takes hold of $1's neck. | /describe # removes $1's head and spine from it's body. | /msg # Rrrrrriiiiiiipppp!!! | /describe # turns $1's head to show $1 the lifeless body. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 $me proclaims $1's body has been relieved of a useless member. HaHaHa
removes his mask revealing his skull. | /describe # lets forth a stream of fire upon $1's swaying body. | /msg # $1 is engulfed by hellish flames. | /msg # *Fwosh* | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 $me proclaims "I love the smell of a fresh barbeque." HaHaHa
approaches $1's fear paralyzed body. | /describe # thrusts his hand into $1's chest. | /msg # $1's rib cage is seperated. | /msg # C-rrrrrraaaaaaaa-KK | /describe # withdraws the still beating heart and shows it to $1. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Here $1, have a heart. HaHaHa
after executing a devastating flying kick, $1's body sways. | /describe # approaches $1 and glances at his target. | /describe # hurls himself through the air, cartwheeling towards $1. | /describe # swings his harm and makes shattering contact with $1's jaw. | /msg # Crrrrruuuunnnn-ch | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 K.O. Liu Kang. HaHaHa
looks into $1's eyes. | /describe # approaches $1 with lightning speed. | /describe # pauses to look one last time at $1 panic stricken face. | /msg # THOCK | /describe # punches $1 head from $1's neck with inhuman strength. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 $1 has lost their head. HaHaHa
puts on his black hood. | /describe # escorts $1 to the guillotine. | /msg # Any final requests before the blade drops? | /msg # No ? Good! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 -CHOP!-
spits out a wad of chewing tobacco | /msg # *pbpbth* | /msg # Listen $1, we don't like yer kind around here... | /msg # so git on out er we'll throw yuh out! | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 GIT OUT !!
decides to get REALLY liquored up! | /describe # grabs a shotgun and takes pot shots at passing clouds. | /describe # is waaayyyy too drunk, though, and starts taking out other objects in his vicinity. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Blam!  Blam!  Blam!  Whoops!  Oh well...Blam!
grabs $1 by his little dick. | /describe # pulls hard and swings $1 around the channel. | /describe # swings faster until $1 's dick snaps off. | /describe # watches as $1 flies off the channel. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Forgot your mushroom cap!
and $1 are waiting at the bus stop. | /describe # watches as the bus approaches... | /describe # nudges $1 out into traffic before the bus can stop. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 You gonna eat this lunch?
hates violence. | /describe # hates violent people, too. | /describe # thinks that $1 is too violent. | /describe # grabs $1 by the neck and lifts $1 off the ground. | /describe # shoves his fist through $1 's midsection. | /describe # head-butts his surprised face before dropping $1 to the floor. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 I'm a nice guy, really.
decides to build a fire. | /describe # takes the first dead wood he sees and throws $1 in the pit. | /describe # covers $1 with gasoline and strikes a match. | /describe # doesn't seem to hear $1 squealing like a pig for mercy as he drops the match. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Poof! Hmm... Charbroil! My favorite!
looks bored. | /describe # decides to interest himself by mangling $1. | /describe # shoves his fist into $1 's chest and pulls out a handful of capillaries. | /describe # begins knitting a sweater. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Knit One, Pearl Two....
takes out a bloodstained axe and acquires an evil grin | /msg # >:)=) | /describe # lifts the axe high above $1's head... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 C*H*O*P*! - Heh heh heh!
suggests that $1 do his Kurt Cobain impression. | /describe # watches as $1 props a shotgun to his mouth and blows his brains out. | /describe # waits for three days before an electrician finds $1 and throws him out. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 That's not teen spirit you smell.....
wonders how well $1 would work as a conductor. | /describe # ties $1 to the base of a lightning rod. | /describe # is pleased as a storm starts brewing and lightning strikes the rod. | /describe # takes notes as $1 's nervous system becomes a superconductor. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 For the good of science, not you.
wonders where $1 really came from. | /describe # does a smathering of research, only to discover that the best part of $1 ran down some whore's leg. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 We can always try again later, honey.
thinks $1 whines too much. | /describe # thinks $1 does more whining than Gallo. | /describe # suggests $1 go visit California to be with the other cheap whines. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 I hate whine...
smells something terrible. | /describe # figures out that it's $1 who smells like a dead elephant on a hot summer's day. | /describe # decides to send $1 to the cleaners. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Put it on my tab.
watches too much Mr. Wizard. | /describe # decides to try an experiment./msg # Now $1 you hold this putty, while I hook up these wires.... | /describe # feigns shock as $1 's ass is blown into next week. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 For my next experiment....
has always been fascinated by Don Herbert. | /describe # wants to try an experiment with $1. | /describe # wants to monitor the brain levels of a moron. | /describe # frowns at the results. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 What was I thinking?  Need a brain first.
tries to find where $1 beings and where $1 ends. | /describe # notices the circle that $1 's body makes from neck, to ass, to neck again. | /describe # has never seen a life-form on this low of the food chain. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 T'was a mercy killing.
looks over and sees $1 desperately trying to bend far enough to suck himself off. | /describe # wonders why no one else has kicked him for such pathetic behavior. | /describe # notices that no one else is paying attention to him. | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 Try #jack-off!
waves an ancient druid sceptre over $1 | /describe # chants "KLATU! VERATTA! NIKTU!" | /describe # waits as nothing happens | /describe # says "Fuck this" and busts the sceptre up $1's ass | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 That's GOTTA hurt!
kicks $1 through a time warp.... | /msg # $1 lands at the Jim Jones incident.... | /msg # Jim Jones says "Hey $1! How about some PurpleSaurus Rex Kool Aid?" | /msg # $1 chugs a pitcher and says "damn, why is this stuff so good?" | /msg # Jim Jones says, "Well $1, it's either the nutrasweet or the cynanide!" | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 DOH!
shows $1 a broomstick and some KY..... | /msg # Suddenly some cheap 70's porno film music comes on [BOOMP-CHICKA-BOOMP-BOWWWWW!] | /msg # $1 decides he'd prefer not to take chances and runs like fuck.... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 And don't let the door hit ya on the way out!
jumps through a time warp that has somehow manifested in his garage... | /describe # notices a bird fly by... | /describe # steps on a worm that the bird _should_ have gotten... | /msg # The bird sees an old man sitting on a rock next to the tree where his nest is. | /msg # The bird pecks the old man to death. | /msg # It just turns out that the old man is one of $1's ancestors... | /msg # Upon this paradox of the space/time continium, $1 pops out of existence... | /timer 1 3 /kick # $1 POOF!
